A Letter For S. Lora

Dear Mr. HeartbreakKid,

Sometimes..

I replay && repeat,

When you first told me you loved me;

I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat,

When you took your love from me;

It took rehabilitation,

To try && forget your face;

But only realization,

Could actually get you replaced;

I knew what I had to do,

Even though its not what I wanted;

I had to let you go,

So I don't remain broken-hearted;

Yes, it's still difficult,

Still a losing bet;

That I can't do it fully,

I can't let go of all of you yet.

This is almost 2 weeks old. As you can see, I am fully over him.

Toodles.

Not Today.

8:30am is too early on vacation.
Smashed on Juanita Sanchez.
Killer Whale.. Lmaoo .
14 points.
Aoww.
Blog reading.
Applebee's.
Exhaustion without the want to sleep.
I realized why I don't talk to my madre a lot;

I never know what she's talking about half the time.

Music Feeds My Soulx33

"Better in Time" - Leona Lewis

"Next to Ya" - Krys Ivory ft. Ryan Leslie

"Out of the Blue" - Ryan Leslie

Chris Fucking Brown.

SMHH .

I thought this was pretty funny:

Okay.

Maybe just once.

"But he still has a large place with furniture, and all-you-can-eat food in my heart.."

And what I was just told right now made everything so much better.

"Past affairs of the heart will serve as a guide to future love."

This helped, too.

Gray.

I'm still recovering.
Ms. Lovable is mending; slowly, but surely.
No lagrimas today.
And the heartbreak kid was only mentioned once I think?
I give myself an A-. Only becus he was still in my thoughts.
He's been getting a little too much attention here.
Classical girls got smashed, spanked, and smacked all over by BVA today.
Last night we did the same to Tollgate. Alexia with 35 points!
Overall, the last two games haven't been my best; haven't been into it.
My body feels like it's been slowed down, and my head be elsewhere. :-/
So, yesterday, my horoscope said some shit like,

"...Look forward to an upswing in the romance department. Passion will be reignited with your partner."

It gave me hope.

I talked to him, too, last night.

Before I read the horoscope.

And.. conversation was good. Almost great actually.

I avoided the "us" conversations, becus.. well.. that's calling for an arguement. It's actually better we didn't talk about us, love, committment, etc. I'm pretty sure he KNOWS and completely UNDERSTANDS how much I care about him. So, I don't have to remind him.

Maybe that was the problem before? Too much love? Lmaoo .

But yeah.. convo was good. There were some friendly disagreements...

And he mentioned some chick like 3 times, like I was supposed to ask about her or something. -___-

Highlight: Biting. =]

"I still love him as much as I love talking to him [which caused me to love him in the first place], but I still wanna let him know and inform him at the end of the night, before he goes to bed, that my heart adores him; My body longs for him. & that I still love him. "

My madre asked about him.. Well.. She tried to talk about him. She thought he lived here. And she wanted me to be open with her or whatever.. But I already know half the stuff she's gonna say so..

Chill.

I like making my own mistakes, learning from my own mistakes, and fixing my own mistakes. I'm doing pretty damn good so far. I'll be fine Madre, thanks for caring though. Ily.

Today I "renewed" a friendship I had thought was lost and gone forever.

It would've been really nice to see him today.. sigh*

I've been singing and dancing a lot lately.Which is a good thing.

It shows that my happiness is returning.

Soon, I'll be myself again.. with new principles and new standards.

He just hit me up. 11:50pm.

Jazmine Sullivan is my favorite artist right about now;

"My Foolish Heart"

"After the Hurricane"

"Silent Tears"

My cat swears he's a king. When I'm sitting at the computer, he decides he can just hop on my lap and curl into a ball and get comfortable. Then, he expects me to pet him the whole time he's there, but I don't, so he falls asleep. And when I go upstairs, he follows. Well, he runs as if he's racing me to get up there first and meows for me to feed him. Fat ass. And it's funny becus sometimes I'll be walking and he expects me to move out the way or go around cus he's laying down. Yeaa Aiighttt . Lmaoo .

What's a tumblr?

"DISTANCE REALLY DOES MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER."

"Golden" By Chrisette Michele

I've never heard so much beauty in a song.

I saw this on Liani's blog and it made me think a lot:

"Sometimes patience is the best answer."

He didn't seem to understand that either.

First, Realization; Then, Rehabilitation.

This is going to be another one of those.. venting posts.
I came across a few conversations that trigured this.
"Good Stuff derived from the Bad Stuff."
I learned that I'm not the only one going through this stage in life.
Some people are 98% there.
I'm going to just put random parts of conversation on here.
On my behalf of realizing.

"If you love something let it go.. "
I've been trying to hold on, I can't if he doesn't.
Like your blog says, if that someone isn't meeting you halfway, then it's not worth it.
But the difference between my blog and my situation is that he used to meet me halfway..

Time, S p a c e , & Distance changed You.
So there's nothing left for me to do,
But to let Time, S p a c e , & Distance change Me..

Now that I think about it, he basically held my hand through it.
Reguardless of the minor, obvious problems.
You gotta do what's best for your star player, and that's you.
After a few months, he became my star player.
My happiness.
My number one.
My world.
Sometimes, I felt like he was my backbone.
My day wasn't complete unless I talked to him.
Even from miles away..
Something that felt so Right, but in reality was very Wrong.
We don't choose who we fall in love with.
We also don't choose who we get hurt most by..
He's fine.
According to him, his puzzle is complete with or without me.
He seems happy and unbothered.
I just need to learn to smile again, because I deserve to do so as well.
I think it's better if you let go.
It's easier said then done.
You have to try.
What do you think I've been doing?
Talking to him, arguing with him, blogging about him, thinking about him.
& NONE of that helps.
Actually... it does.
If you say so.
I do say so, because I know so. I think I know myself by now.
True, but sometimes you need to be saved from yourself..
That's where other people come in.
I got myself into this situation, I can get myself out.
Let Him Go.
As much as I don't want to;
No matter how much it hurts;
No matter how many tears fall;
No matter how much effort I put in to try and complete this puzzle with missing pieces...
I don't need anyone to tell me what I already know.
I know what I'm doing.
I know what I have to do.
I just need to do it.
I need to let go.
Everytime those words are mentioned, my throat tightens, and my eyes water.
Respira.
Just get over it, Shanelle.
You can do this.
I know. I know. I know.
I can.
Want vs. Need
And Want is beating the shit out of Need.
I just need to..
See Him.
Feel Him.
Kiss Him.
One More Time.
Take a long, hard, good look at what and who I fell in love with;
Who caused me nothing but joy and sorrow; pleasure and pain;
Who I gave my heart to, and who I let break it,
Then walk away..
Let Go.

Hilarious.

Blog Bangers.

Older than me, yet still need an advance in their mentality, maturity, and Grow The Fuck Up-ity.

Why would I want yours when I got mine ?

Smh.

Get over yourself, stop posting shit, and move onnnn..

Anyways.

Unecessary Drama Drama Drama surrounds me.

It's so damn ridiculous how people come out to be nowadays..

Sophmore Year: Year of Realization.

And as for you, my dear loved one,

Ya no se que hacer contigo.. con nosotros.

Back to homework that I've been slacking on for days..

I wonder what my report card looks like..

I have a feeling I'm in for an interesting night.

Trapped.

Have you ever felt trapped inside?

Like there was something you wanted to say or do..

But couldn't?

Like you tried to escape, but you couldn't quite get yourself to move?

Like you KNEW you had to walk away, but every time you tried to leave something kept pullin` you back?

Chingy and Tyrese type shit, you know?

Lately, that's all I've been feeling.

And even when I do say what I think has to be said, I don't feel like I've said enough or that I've said too much and still didn't get the point across..

Maybe thing are better off left unsaid..

But I can't lose him.

"If you love something, let it go..."

But I won't.

If I love something, I'm going to put my best effort into keeping it.

Fuck the bullshit.

My mom says my iPod is depressing.

It's really not.

It just contains songs that represent how I feel and relate to.

I HATE LIARS.

And even worse, the ones who try to hide, cover-up, and sugar-coat everything.

If I ask a question based on information that's pretty damn far from a lie, just be straight up and answer it. Stop tryna be all secretive and shit like I don't already know.. SMH.

I ain`t stupid.

But I feel that way sometimes.

I love him so much it hurts.

I know..

This is..

The part..

Where the end starts.

I hate this part right here.

Victory At Last.

So, today Classical's varsity girls' team finally won.

It was an exhibition game, so I'm pretty sure it doesn;t count as anything important, but.. a win is a win.

Coach played me A LOT today, finally.

I scored 5 points.

Nice.

I'm exhausted. I think there were like 4 games this week? + Practice.

I missed the practice part due to the fact I fell down my stairs.

Twice.

-___-

There's a dance or something tonight at school..

I'm contemplating.

Last night, we talked and it was pretty awkward at first. You could feel the pride and stubborness within the conversation.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm jus gonna lay back, relax, and enjoy the show.

There's been absurd new hookups and relationships lately.

Very upsetting and just weird.

Mad drama once again.

Jus glad I'm not part of it.

A nap sounds sweet.

Later.

RME*; SMH*; && SH*..Ughh.

Rolling My Eyes.

Shaking My Head.

&& Sighing Heavily.

If you can't tell, I'm not in the best of moods at the moment.

Family members, friends, and the weather don't help either.
Obvious Fact: It snowed today. A lot.

No school for me, so guess what I did ?!

Absolutely nothing that was entertaining or replaced my world of boredom.

Today sucked so bad. I tried to sleep through the whole day, but that didn't work. I woke up just in time to catch Maury. I cleaned my room, rearranged my closet, and took a shower, etcetera; all while blasting my iPod. I took some photos in between time :

Good Morning Sleepy Head. Lolo, this is for you, because I thought about it, and there's NO WAY you're gonna catch me in your house or in your presence with my hair all messy like this unless I actually did just finish waking up. Lmaoo.

I love you, too.

Timmy ! ^_^ Remember that time we talked about how I would look with curly bangs? Well, yeah... it does look weird. o_O

Flash.

Fucked me all up.

Think Green.

So, my mom came home and I was maddd hungry and she didn't wanna make food or buy any, so I was like wdf.. got mad upset. Whatever. Then Im busy on the computer with pictures and such and she kept bugging me to see some America's Next Dance Crew thing, but I really don't care about it so I was like NO, NO, NO.

I then check my IMs, from being idle for hours and not being on the computer all day, and mad heads hit me up. 3 of them for apparently NO reason at all. One I started a conversation with, but he had to BRB, which usually means I won't hear from him for a few hours or days. Ugh. I hate when he does that. Just tell me that I'm a wreck and that you're tryna help but Im being unappreciative, so fuck it, I'll talk to you another time. Straight up. And then a friend of mine from years ago asks if I wanna chill with her and her twin on their birthday. Its the thought that counts, so Im just like "I'll see cus basketball.. blah blah." And she says something around "Jus miss my birthday.." Like.. umm... I NEVER hear from you, what makes you think Ima just drop my priorities to go chill with you cus its your birthday?! Are you gonna come through for mine? Chill. Then my wifer and I get into this heated discussion over sarcasm and guess who hits me up with more sarcasm? Yup, him. Another arguement. Great. Meanwhile, Someone else is asking me to send mad pics from a party... like did you not read my away? It simply informs that Im ina bad mood and do not want to be bothered.. -____- Now he wants me to say something about him in this thing. (He said Sackary looks like Marcos.. seriously? SMFH.) If I were a jerk, I'd jus be like WELL HERE YOU GO. But I'm not so.. he has to wait. =P

I WANT TO SCREAM!

But my head hurts and my back too.. STILL.

And Im still hungry.. Im about to jus do something extreme and actually cook something. o_O

I'm freezing.

My dog keeps fucking barking, I wanna jus remove her like.. barking box for a while.. Its driving me insane.

I've missed way too many Celtics' games.. SMH. That reminds me when I used to watch wrestling every Monday and Friday. lol..

I think Tasha was the only one who made me feel better.

"Get That Stringbean."

Deep Breaths and I'm Gone.

Midterms.

That's where I've been the last few days.

There's one more, then back to class.

Yay ? o_O

Today was a short, but interesting and entertaining day.

English Exam, Gabie's, McDonald's (Jeni's 1st time!), Back to Gabie's, then back to school for practice.

I bullshitted on my essay.. -___- McDonald's was MADD fun! Omg.. so much laughing. I haven't been able to just go out with friends and just chill and have a good time like that in a while. We were dyinggg for lke five minutes. Lmao. And then gabie's casaa.. I was caught up on mucho en su vidaa and more laughing and pictures! But they're on her phone.. So I would post them but.. you know.. I kinda don't have them yet. Practice was aiight. And I spent the night with my wifer. We spent mad time in her grandma's kitchen.. eating and drinking and talking. Idk why but that's like our "spot". Her dream was fucking EXCLUSIVE. She needs to go back to sleep and finish that shit. For real. Lol..

This is my wifer and I at her fiesta de sopresa:

I loved her reaction; she was so excited.. It was pretty hilarious. She had NO IDEA. This was in October by the way.. lol.

Anyways.

Did I mention I love this kid ?

Well, yeah. I do. He's such a sensitive, unappreciative, careless, intelligent, romantic, sweet when he wants to be, ignorant, unique, argumentative, loving jerk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let it go.

This picture was taken today (not from Gabie's):

Goodbye Now.

P.$. I want kisses..