First, Realization; Then, Rehabilitation.

This is going to be another one of those.. venting posts.
I came across a few conversations that trigured this.
"Good Stuff derived from the Bad Stuff."
I learned that I'm not the only one going through this stage in life.
Some people are 98% there.
I'm going to just put random parts of conversation on here.
On my behalf of realizing.

"If you love something let it go.. "
I've been trying to hold on, I can't if he doesn't.
Like your blog says, if that someone isn't meeting you halfway, then it's not worth it.
But the difference between my blog and my situation is that he used to meet me halfway..

Time, S p a c e , & Distance changed You.
So there's nothing left for me to do,
But to let Time, S p a c e , & Distance change Me..

Now that I think about it, he basically held my hand through it.
Reguardless of the minor, obvious problems.
You gotta do what's best for your star player, and that's you.
After a few months, he became my star player.
My happiness.
My number one.
My world.
Sometimes, I felt like he was my backbone.
My day wasn't complete unless I talked to him.
Even from miles away..
Something that felt so Right, but in reality was very Wrong.
We don't choose who we fall in love with.
We also don't choose who we get hurt most by..
He's fine.
According to him, his puzzle is complete with or without me.
He seems happy and unbothered.
I just need to learn to smile again, because I deserve to do so as well.
I think it's better if you let go.
It's easier said then done.
You have to try.
What do you think I've been doing?
Talking to him, arguing with him, blogging about him, thinking about him.
& NONE of that helps.
Actually... it does.
If you say so.
I do say so, because I know so. I think I know myself by now.
True, but sometimes you need to be saved from yourself..
That's where other people come in.
I got myself into this situation, I can get myself out.
Let Him Go.
As much as I don't want to;
No matter how much it hurts;
No matter how many tears fall;
No matter how much effort I put in to try and complete this puzzle with missing pieces...
I don't need anyone to tell me what I already know.
I know what I'm doing.
I know what I have to do.
I just need to do it.
I need to let go.
Everytime those words are mentioned, my throat tightens, and my eyes water.
Respira.
Just get over it, Shanelle.
You can do this.
I know. I know. I know.
I can.
Want vs. Need
And Want is beating the shit out of Need.
I just need to..
See Him.
Feel Him.
Kiss Him.
One More Time.
Take a long, hard, good look at what and who I fell in love with;
Who caused me nothing but joy and sorrow; pleasure and pain;
Who I gave my heart to, and who I let break it,
Then walk away..
Let Go.

Rehab.

No, I'm not on drugs.

But, I've been recovering.

I've been putting 149% of my effort into a 504 piece puzzle, expecting to finish it in one night..

It's been wearing me downnnn .

The project was given November 6th, 2008, and I was on a roll at first, finding all the edges, and gradually getting to the inside pieces. Then, there was this blockage, and all the pieces started to look the same, and my "partner", who at first seemed to encourage me and help me with this puzzle, started taking back pieces.... without a clear explanation to why... And I feel like no matter how hard I try, I just CAN'T find the pieces or get them to match up; the puzzle is falling apart, my "partner" doesn't seem to care about it anymore, and I'm starting to wonder why I started this project in the first place..

A lot of rain has fallen from my eyes within the last week or so.

This hurts more than a broken left arm in 4th grade, a foot cut open one summer, a few sprained ankles, losing your favorite pet & both great-grandparents in the same year, the same arm sprained for the same reason it got broken years later, and how I left my first boyfriend, ALL WRAPPED IN ONE.

Friends try, but it doesn't work.

My mom was right; my iPod IS depressing.

Everything I do, say, watch, read reminds me of New York..

..and other things.

I can't stop reminiscing; I can't stop crying.

It's all part of my rehabilitation.

Did you know we celebrate Valentine's Day for the completely OPPOSITE reason it was created a holiday ?! SMH.

I don't celebrate that day, I don't plan on it. Ever.

On the flip side...

Susan's Birthday was awesome.. I should've stayed.

M.F.'s party.. my iPod almost saved it. Almost.

Sleepover @ Drazy's was fun.

"Goodnight Dum-Dum."

Classical girls won their practice game today.

5 more [real] games left.

Zack still isn't fixed, hopefully tomorrow.

That bitch Annie is back though.

Ugh.

Tasha + Movies + Candy + Tiredness + Sidekick + Freshmen =

Boring Fun.

If You Leave - Musiq Soulchild ft. Mary J. Blige

I'm Still In Love With You Boy - Sasha ft. Sean Paul

Last To Know - Chris Brown

Walk Away - Marques Houston

Not Anymore - Letoya Luckett

You've Changed - Keisha Cole

Torn - Letoya Luckett

After the Hurricane - Jazmine Sullivan

I looked really nice today.

Well.. my hair at least.

If the pics upload, you'll be able to see, but until then..

My teeth hurt.

I need braces...... NOW.

My summer caught up to me a little.

I saw a person from my summer, who then hit me up a few minutes later, then got picked up from my cousin who I was also with in the summer, who goes out with a brother of another person from summer, and we all wanna meet up one of these days.

Sweet Coincidence.

I've got nada more to say..

Heartbreak Sucks.

NEVER fall in love.

Never. Never. Never.

And if you do, make sure its local, as strong as it seems, and meaningful before you drop the words.

In order for a relationship to work, it takes two; so don;t put so much effort into something if the other person isn't meeting you half way, get it ?

I learned the hard way, and I'm never contradicting or considering to change my beliefs EVER again.

It's about that time where my nightmares and dreams clash.

Thanks for tasting my thoughts, seeing my feelings, and getting inside my head.

"Blater."

p.s. i watched Juno today. That movie's fuckin` sweet.

Unnecessary Information.

I'm psychic. I don't give a damn what anyone says.

Remember last night when I said I was going to have an interesting night?

Well, it was interesting alright.

As well as heart-breaking.

FUCK THE BULLSHITTTT.

I don't NEED it.

Most def. don't WANT it.

He just needs to make up his mind.

SMFHH..

All Day = Holding back my tears. Until last period which I finally had with my wife and got to finally talk it out with someone who understands.. cry it out, too.

I hate crying with a passionnnnnn.

I feel weak and like a little bitch! -___-

So I came up with this last night after all was said and done:

My throat tightens at just the thought of you leaving,

While my eyes tear at the start of believing,

And as my body gets sore, and my soul begins to ache,

I know, now, that I'm being welcomed to Heartbreak.

All that wasn't said was all I needed and wanted to know.

So unclear, yet makes perfect sense.

Absurd.

Silence Screams The Truth.

End of my day was fun..

McDonald's.

Basketball in the other gym.

Boys Game.

Jenifer & Ryan.

BK.

Smiles.

Laughter.

Pictures.

Not of us; just me looking at them.

Subway.

Strawberry water. ^_^

Homework.

My report card sucks for 2nd quarter. -___-

What the fuck was I doing ?

SLACKING.

Not gonna let that slip again.

I misssss Zackkkk [my phone].

Gahhhhh .

I like this poem:

You charmed me not with that fair face,

Though it was all divine;

To be another's is the grace

That makes me wish you mine.

The Gods and Fortune take their part,

Who, like young monarchs fight,

And boldly dare invade that heart,

Which is another's right.

First mad with hope we undertake

To pull up every bar,

but once possessed, we faintly make

A dull defensive war.

Now every friend turned a foe,

In hope to get our store,

And passion makes us cowards grow

That made us brave before.

By John Dryden

"I choose ME."

-Tamia

Goodnight.

I Hate Females.

Let's just say I agree with that statement like 85% of the time.

They're beautiful and have the most wonderful personalities.

Then they're coniving and [innocently] send mixed messages.

Most of them have the illest problem with being real.

And very few of them have no problem with that at all.

I especially hate when they keep encouraging you to go, knowing damn well you'll get nowhere.

And you run to one of her closest friends for advice and she tells you exactly what you don't wanna hear; the TRUTH.

I'm getting sick and tired of this attraction.

Rollercoaster rides all the damn time.

I'm dizzy and nauseous, so I think I'm ready to stop now.

Goodbye P.S., Hello Heartbreak.