A Letter For S. Lora

Dear Mr. HeartbreakKid,

Sometimes..

I replay && repeat,

When you first told me you loved me;

I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat,

When you took your love from me;

It took rehabilitation,

To try && forget your face;

But only realization,

Could actually get you replaced;

I knew what I had to do,

Even though its not what I wanted;

I had to let you go,

So I don't remain broken-hearted;

Yes, it's still difficult,

Still a losing bet;

That I can't do it fully,

I can't let go of all of you yet.

This is almost 2 weeks old. As you can see, I am fully over him.

Toodles.

First, Realization; Then, Rehabilitation.

This is going to be another one of those.. venting posts.
I came across a few conversations that trigured this.
"Good Stuff derived from the Bad Stuff."
I learned that I'm not the only one going through this stage in life.
Some people are 98% there.
I'm going to just put random parts of conversation on here.
On my behalf of realizing.

"If you love something let it go.. "
I've been trying to hold on, I can't if he doesn't.
Like your blog says, if that someone isn't meeting you halfway, then it's not worth it.
But the difference between my blog and my situation is that he used to meet me halfway..

Time, S p a c e , & Distance changed You.
So there's nothing left for me to do,
But to let Time, S p a c e , & Distance change Me..

Now that I think about it, he basically held my hand through it.
Reguardless of the minor, obvious problems.
You gotta do what's best for your star player, and that's you.
After a few months, he became my star player.
My happiness.
My number one.
My world.
Sometimes, I felt like he was my backbone.
My day wasn't complete unless I talked to him.
Even from miles away..
Something that felt so Right, but in reality was very Wrong.
We don't choose who we fall in love with.
We also don't choose who we get hurt most by..
He's fine.
According to him, his puzzle is complete with or without me.
He seems happy and unbothered.
I just need to learn to smile again, because I deserve to do so as well.
I think it's better if you let go.
It's easier said then done.
You have to try.
What do you think I've been doing?
Talking to him, arguing with him, blogging about him, thinking about him.
& NONE of that helps.
Actually... it does.
If you say so.
I do say so, because I know so. I think I know myself by now.
True, but sometimes you need to be saved from yourself..
That's where other people come in.
I got myself into this situation, I can get myself out.
Let Him Go.
As much as I don't want to;
No matter how much it hurts;
No matter how many tears fall;
No matter how much effort I put in to try and complete this puzzle with missing pieces...
I don't need anyone to tell me what I already know.
I know what I'm doing.
I know what I have to do.
I just need to do it.
I need to let go.
Everytime those words are mentioned, my throat tightens, and my eyes water.
Respira.
Just get over it, Shanelle.
You can do this.
I know. I know. I know.
I can.
Want vs. Need
And Want is beating the shit out of Need.
I just need to..
See Him.
Feel Him.
Kiss Him.
One More Time.
Take a long, hard, good look at what and who I fell in love with;
Who caused me nothing but joy and sorrow; pleasure and pain;
Who I gave my heart to, and who I let break it,
Then walk away..
Let Go.

Unnecessary Information.

I'm psychic. I don't give a damn what anyone says.

Remember last night when I said I was going to have an interesting night?

Well, it was interesting alright.

As well as heart-breaking.

FUCK THE BULLSHITTTT.

I don't NEED it.

Most def. don't WANT it.

He just needs to make up his mind.

SMFHH..

All Day = Holding back my tears. Until last period which I finally had with my wife and got to finally talk it out with someone who understands.. cry it out, too.

I hate crying with a passionnnnnn.

I feel weak and like a little bitch! -___-

So I came up with this last night after all was said and done:

My throat tightens at just the thought of you leaving,

While my eyes tear at the start of believing,

And as my body gets sore, and my soul begins to ache,

I know, now, that I'm being welcomed to Heartbreak.

All that wasn't said was all I needed and wanted to know.

So unclear, yet makes perfect sense.

Absurd.

Silence Screams The Truth.

End of my day was fun..

McDonald's.

Basketball in the other gym.

Boys Game.

Jenifer & Ryan.

BK.

Smiles.

Laughter.

Pictures.

Not of us; just me looking at them.

Subway.

Strawberry water. ^_^

Homework.

My report card sucks for 2nd quarter. -___-

What the fuck was I doing ?

SLACKING.

Not gonna let that slip again.

I misssss Zackkkk [my phone].

Gahhhhh .

I like this poem:

You charmed me not with that fair face,

Though it was all divine;

To be another's is the grace

That makes me wish you mine.

The Gods and Fortune take their part,

Who, like young monarchs fight,

And boldly dare invade that heart,

Which is another's right.

First mad with hope we undertake

To pull up every bar,

but once possessed, we faintly make

A dull defensive war.

Now every friend turned a foe,

In hope to get our store,

And passion makes us cowards grow

That made us brave before.

By John Dryden

"I choose ME."

-Tamia

Goodnight.