Bad Habits.

This is the Highest Cost,
Take you and Make you Off,
Lift you and Leave you Lost,
Will you Forgive Me ?

Brief.

There's so many things i'd like to pour my heart out to my followers about, but it would beawfully long, and probably be less interesting than it already is.

SO! Midterms are finally overrrrr ! And I couldn't be happier.
I studied for None ofthem, but I still think I did a pretty decent job.

Basketball team still has not seen a second victory, although Thursday's game would've been that game if Ashley, Toni, and I weren't fouled out in the last four minutes. Senior Night was fun though ! ily Ashleyyy ! And i stole the Chex Mix xD

So, anyways. There's this girl that I really hoped wpuld work out, but when it comes down to it, you can't force what isn't meant to be. We have completely different lifestyles, beliefs, interests, and just ways of being. I try and try to look past all that and see the "real her," but honestly, those aspects are what makes a person who they are. Since there's no changing, I don't se us working out.

Maybe we were accidental.

But I don't know what to do yet..

On the other hand, there has been another that I've actually had True feelings for, hands down, for about a year, two months, and two days now. We've been on the craziest rollercoaster ride, I swear, and although she's miles away.. I'm happy to say she's back in my Life.







And hopefully she's here to stay this time..








P.S. Today was a good day. Great morning. Great breakfast. Little bro's game was good. Cleaning my room out felt good. My game was tiring, but good. That chinese food was bomb. That shower was great. And having internet and being able o finally blog from home again feels Awesome. :)

Relief.

This is like the forth time I'm posting today but eff it, it'll keep yah entertained for a bit..
My hair was finally finished at 10ish. It looks nice, but i'm hella tired.
No basketball today, unfortunately.
But on a good note, I think i finally got some things straight with Michelle.. ;]
My weekend officially starts and ends tomorrow on MLK Day.
Homework, Laundry, and hopefully some frikkin BASKETBALL !
oh wait.. i have practice..
Well yeah, my waiting is finally done and over with.

Now the only one that has to wait is the one whos awaiting my forgiveness and is being really sensitive to the pouring of my feelings in one of my previous blogs of today.

YOU'LL BE ALRITE.




I'm not the greatest person everyone portrays or thinks of me to be..

Impatience is Pushing a BiPolar Buttonnnnnn

So, I had to wait like 20 minutes for a bus to go Downtown.

I had to wait an hour for a bus to go to Cranston.

And now I've been waiting almost 2 hours for my Godmother to come back and start braiding my hair.

And then when she does finally decide to come,

I'm gonna have to wait about 2 or 3 hours for her to actually do my hair.

And by that time, I won't be able to play ball with Tasha And Marco,

But instead have to Wait for the bus to go back home.

And WAIT until tomorrow to do Something worthy of my long weekend.

In case you haven't noticed,

I'M TIRED OF WAITING.

And i think this can go for a lot of other things besides today..

Relation Complications.. Once Again.

So..

I've started talking to another.

And i honestly don't know where this is going.

Ever since Sackary and Mariah ruined my emotions,

It's been really hard for me to actually get into a relationship.

Like I want to, and it would really be nice to be in one,

But I'm having difficulty letting myself just Forget,

And move right on with someone else.

And it's not even like I have any future plans with my past heart tormentors,

Because they both now live miles away from me,

Thank God,

But, I don't know what to do.

The only thing I do actually love and put my time and energy into is Basketball.

Married to the Gameee.

I feel bad because of all the people I have started to build with,

I push away when i started to like them too much..

Look for excuses, pick fights, just to slip away..

I honestly feel like there's two people who actually have potential of being that "one"

And instead of pursuing one of them, I'm doing the idiotic thing of playing with emotions until i can get out of this "afraid of committment" phase..

One of them doesn't even believe they can change how i feel,

or that they're even the right one for me..

I mean, it's not that difficult to get through to me, if you pull the right strings, push the right buttons..

But I refuse to tell you which to pull or push.

If UNCERTAINTY is the case,

Then I don't know what to tell you.

I should've been born a male.

This would've been sooo much easier.

Avoiding Communication aka..

I Don't Wanna Talk to You !

SO, during vacation, I decided to go see Sherlock Holmes with a certain male friend of mine.

NO, it's not the type of male friend you're thinking of.

We've been wanting to chill for a while so I thought what better way then go to the movies?

The movie was incredible, and i don't know about HIM, but i enjoyed it.

Other than the fact that i was Exhausted and didn't even wanna go to the movies that day,

And could've changed my mind easily and stayed my ass Home,

He obviously wasn't satisfied that I made time for him.

He attempted a certain action in the theatre, and i do Not get down like that.

He tried again during the movie, a few times walking around the mall, and its like..

IF I DIDN'T KISS YOU THE FIRST TIME,

I'M NOT DOING IT AT ALL !

I felt pressured and disrespected because in reality i didnt see him that way, and he still continued to force it, and i was gradually gettin aggravated.

The movie and the talking was cool, why couldn't he just leave it like that, on a good note?

I felt bad in a way, because I was relieved to get away..

And I've been gettin hit-ups from all over the place from this person ever since,

And i thought he would get the hint that,

Once Shanelle is Disrespected or placed into an Uncomfortable Position by another being,

SHE DOESN'T TALK TO THEM.

EVER.

if i didnt answer you the first time,

i'm most likely not going to answer you the third or fifth time,

through texts, Myspace, or Facebook.

Get me?

Leave me aloneeeeee.

If I Lost My Legs..

I only thought about this situation because I couldn't walk Saturday night.
It was during a basketball game and I was dribbling the ball and some short lady was playing horrible defense on me, so as I drove past her she tripped me.
Not 0nly did my next step end terribly, but i busted my ass, too.
After what seemed like bouncing off my thigh muscle and bending it inside out backwards and every which way, i screamed in agony.
I got help to the bench and iced it for a little.
But fuck that.. I wasnt gonna allow myself to get babied.
I shook it off and limped my ass up and down that court, got a few extra points, and finished the game.
But in the car.. a whole 'nother story.
I was in such excruciating pain, probably the worst pain I've ever felt in my LIFE, after cramps.
Holding back tears as my mom drove, picked up pizza, and chinese food, the pain seemed to get worse and worse.
And i was so glad to get home until I took my first step out of the car and dropped..
I had no strength in my leg, just pain.
I couldn't extend it, I couldn't bend it, I couldn't walk on it.
I wanted to go the hospital.
But I feared my basketball career would be over in the middle of the season if i did that.
So with some Alieve and Tiger Bomb and Icy Hot.. I was gonnna be alright..
IT WORKED. Next morning I was walking with a lil limp but walking felt like a miracle to me.

Thank God.

Then it made me think..
What the FUCK would I do if i ever lost the ability to walk?!
Real talk.. I would just off myself.
No legs = No basketball = No reason to live.
Point Blankperiod

But yeah.. Tre's the shit. :)

Deuces.

I Almost Quit.

I've been thinking about it for weeks and I almost handed in my uniform today.
My love for basketball was, and still kind of is, at an all time lowwww.
Regardless of the variety of results the Classical Girls Basketball Team has endured so far in this season, as well as in the past, it's obvious that our team doesn't take this seriously and still don't know how to get it together.
So, after crying and contemplating for hours last night, because it actually does pain me to even think about quitting something that I love to do, I thought of a solution.
I wrote it down, typed it out, showed it to the coach and it will get to our other captain tomorrow.
Hopefully it will be considered and the team will be able to carry out my plans for this team.
I don't know about them, but I do take basketball seriously, and I'm sick and tired of Losing.
I'm willing to turn this season around Right Now and Work Harder to get the Winning Results.
But I can't be the only one with hope..
And after all is said and done, and I am still the only one willing to make sacrifices, willing to step it up and makes changes for the better, and willing to improve as a Team..


I'm Out. Done. Finished. I Quit.


But that's only IF these girls aren't ready to take this seriously.

My Curiosity Almost Killed the Kitten

Long story..
Let's just say I should not only think before I speak,
But also, think before I do.