Sing Javey, Sing!

Maybe.

Up at 3:10AM.
All because, for whatever reason, you don't want me again.
I've made way, pulled some strings, risked my nights just to see you.
I thought that was the main issue, but it's not.
I've learned to accept every last flaw of yours, every problem.
But that doesn't seem to be enough.
I like to believe I've even saved your life a few times.
"My efforts amount to nothing."
Maybe the real "problem" is much deeper.
Every day, there's some doubt in your mind that this won't work out.
You don't believe, don't understand that someone could care about you despite it all.
Maybe that's my fault.
Inside your head, I stand and make you believe that I love you more than you do me.
Or maybe you're just ungrateful that I actually exist.
I'm here, with you, supporting, accepting, even loving almost everything you do.
Maybe... I'm not good enough.
Everything with you has been new to me.
But not this part.
Maybe it's not you at all, it's just me.
No one wants to be with me, so I guess it's okay for you to feel the same.
Maybe it's about time I stop fantasizing, stop dreaming of something you don't want to be real.
I have to respect your wishes right? Do what makes you happy?
But maybe it's not all about you.
Stop being so selfish.
Maybe... We should've just been a one night thing.
Because this dream is just another fantasy of mine and it's slowly turning into a nightmare.
Or maybe... This is what's supposed to happen.
Ups and downs, thick and thin, all part of a relationship, right?
Maybe we'll be alright.
Just maybe.

I just want to open my eyes in the morning..
I just want to turn my head to the side..
I just want to open my house door..
I just want to get off the bus..
I just want to arrive at school..
I just want to walk into and out of class..
I just want to bump into in the hallway..
I just want to exit the building..
I just want to glance outdoors during practice..
I just want to leave school for the day..
I just want to enter my driveway, my home..
I just want to come out of the shower..
I just want to walk into my room..
I just want to lay down, face, sleep next to..


Her.
Every single day, like she's part of my daily routine.

Dragon

Laying down, eyes shut, it's only you that I see,
I could want nothing more but you right next to me;
I love you with every ounce of my body, heart, and mind,
And at this age, I thought you'd be too hard to find;
You've got the key to my dungeon, the concrete walls have fallen down,
All the chains have been broken, I've been set free, because I have you now.

Don't Leave...

Would you like to know why I refuse to let you go?
Because girl, I've realized, you've got the key to my soul
Although you didn't ask for it, I just thought you should know
In your presence, my mind, my heart and my body get more than a rush
I lose all control whenever our eyes meet and our bodies touch
Butterflies flutter inside, my thoughts roam, and my knees get weak
My words begin to stutter and the world shuts out just as you begin to speak
I understand you've been through it all, to you, the world's been cold
But I swear everything I learn and feel with you never gets old
I know your mind is restless and your body doesn't sleep
What more am I to do? But ease your thoughts and keep the peace?
And at this early stage, I must admit I'm far from success
But baby please don't call it quits, I'm trying my best
This relationship is tough and everything's against it, no doubt
But I promise we'll get through this and everything will work out
I would do anything in my power, for you, my ways I'll change
I just need you to stay by side, and your heart in exchange...

I Don't Want It All The Time...

But when I get it, I better be Satisfied.

She Reminds Me . . .

J.V.W.

Temperature begins to fulminate within my body
From the nailbeds on my toes
Breaking through the ice in my veins
Easily, rapidly, passionately
Destroying, exploding through my intestines
Shaking, trembling through my finger-tips
It slows just enough to pierce, to penetrate and then
Easily, rapidly, passionately
In and out, back and forth, twisting and turning
Stabbing into and through that sacred organ
Again and again and again and again
Easily, rapidly, passionately
Grasping my neck, blocking my throat from any oxygen
Flushing my cheeks, choking my eyes, forcing my tears
To fall, to pour, to run, to slide down my face
Easily, rapidly, passionately
Pounding, punching, beating, bashing, hammering
My temples, my skull, my cerebrum
Hypervenilation, Hallucination, Headache, Hollering
Easily, rapidly, passionately
Helpless, restless, useless, worthless
Weak, still, immobile, paralyzed,
Shutting down........
Just as you fell for me, I crashed,
Just as you loved me, I loved, too,
Just as you received me, I lost you,
Easily. Rapidly. Passionately.


"I'll never forget you. They said we'd never make it. My sweet joy, always remember me."

Mm. Mm. Good.

I am absolutely LOVING Jeremih right about now.

His songs anyway <3

This Stuck Out to Me: "Hello?"

I've been alone with you inside my mind

And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times.

I sometimes see you pass outside my door.

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes,

I can see it in your smile.

You're all I've ever wanted,

And my arms are open wide.

'Cause you know just what to say,

And you know just what to do.

And I want to tell you so much,

“I love you.”

I long to see the sunlight in your hair,

And tell you time and time again how much I care.

Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow.

Hello, I've just got to let you know.

'Cause I wonder where you are,

And I wonder what you do.

Are you somewhere feeling lonely,

Or is someone loving you?

Tell me how to win your heart,

For I haven't got a clue.

But let me start by saying,

“I love you.”

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

'Cause I wonder where you are,

And I wonder what you do.

Are you somewhere feeling lonely,

Or is someone loving you?

Tell me how to win your heart,

For I haven't got a clue.

But let me start by saying,

“I love you.”


(@Notes from a Native Daughter)

I Believe in People Like You.

To be with you, I'm so determined & willing,
Girl, you even got me singing "One in a Million,"
Despite your mind and your friends, I'll do what it takes,
But why can't I stop listening to Drake's "Same Mistakes?"

Where There Are Opposites, There are Simularities

You are short.
I am tall.
We could care less about height differences.
You are dark.
I am light.
We like what's different from ourselves.
You wear glasses.
I am supposed to.
We're both near-sighted.
You are an Aquarius.
I am a Gemini.
We are very compatible.
You are stylish.
I throw anything on.
We don't judge books by their cover.
You live with your dad.
I live with my mom.
We have the other parent and siblings in another state.
You are wealthy.
I am broke.
We don't let our financial status get in the way of what we want.
You are a musician.
I am an athlete.
We find art in what we love to do.
You believe in God.
I still question Him.
We know there is a 'higher being'.
You are shy & timid.
I am bold & outspoken.
We have different ways of self-expression.
You don't like to say "No."
That's my favorite word.
We use words differently for what we believe in.
You know half of my friends.
I will never get to meet yours.
We have double lives.
You have a non-stop hectic schedule.
I have a manageable one.
We make free-time, our time.
You would like to see Italy, France, & Spain.
I want to go to Ireland.
We know the difference between romantic and familiar.
You think it's good to do what you can/should.
I think it's good to do what you want/benefit from.
We think it's good to get out and do something.
You feel the way you express yourself is "wrong."
I feel there's no "correct" way to express yourself.
We get our points across.
You put the needs of others before yourself.
I put my needs before anything else.
We still want to help others, just at different times.
Your best friend excepts everything but one thing about you.
There's not one thing my best friend doesn't accept about me.
They're both religious with a pinch of sin.
You feel it's only right to be open (for me).
I feel there's nothing wrong with being a secret (for you).
We want to be together regardless.
You care about what other people think.
I only care about what you think...

It's clear that we are different.
It's obvious that we feel the same.

I'm willing to do this... Are you?

Dilemma.

Dilemma: a situation requiring choice between equally undesirable alternatives; a problem that seems incapable of a solution

Man, I've done it this time.

Friend comes to Classical almost every day to check us out. Friend & I happen to have this flirty type of friendship, but nothing serious (at all). Insider is created based on the type of friendship we have. I proceed to remind him on Facebook. I should've known that it was going to cause a little controversy. A female friend of Friend's girlfriend cyber attacks me. I set shit straight and then receive a message from Girlfriend. No big deal. We become friends, little did I know, she was actually pursuing me in more than a friendship sort of way. Girlfriend just so happens to be the Bestfriend of one of my good friends. We both know that Good Friend isn't going to accept whatever this will become, because we know which road we were headed down. Two weeks pass, I get confronted by Good Friend about Bestfriend, it doesn't end too well. So, I try again. Wish I didn't because it made it worse, and now we don't even look at each other. I asked her not interfere, Bestfriend or no Bestfriend, and she refused. Either way, I'm going to do what I want, and so is Bestfriend, therefore WE'RE going to do whatever we want. We don't need her, or anyone else's, approval or permission to proceed. Although we've come to this disagreement, I'm not willing to lose Good Friend as a good friend. I also don't want to break it off with Bestfriend because she might actually be Good for me. Besides, the only reason Good Friend isn't agreeing with it is because she sees the relationship at an exterior point of view: female and female. She doesn't view it as two human-beings with emotions who are attracted to eachother. God forbid. Literally. I forgive her for that because of her religious values, but she has to understand that people don't choose to be like this; some things are just out of one's control. But what I do NOT forgive her for is the bullshit she tried to feed Bestfriend about me, then has the audacity to tell me she loves me as a friend. "Good Friend" KNOWS very well that I am a good person at heart, so when it comes down to the one thing I cannot control about myself, DON'T PORTRAY ME AS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I AM JUST BECAUSE SHE HAPPENS TO BE YOUR BESTFRIEND. True colors were definitely revealed in the process, and now, I'm thinking twice about restarting our friendship. If it took someone close to you just to put in the clear what you REALLY think about me, what does that say about you? I don't care how religious or how dramatic you are, being fake is not tolerated. You just don't say that about friends you care about just because you don't agree with the situation at hand. You simply just Don't Interfere, like I had asked. Now look. Bestfriends & I, we're still talking every day, we're still seeing eachother every other night. Choose your interferences wisely.

Why you so HEATED ?!

I feel like every morning I walk into Classical High School, everyone, and yes, I mean EVERYONE, is angry until proven otherwise. It's 8 o'clock in the morning, what could have possibly happened to you that was so bad between the time you woke up and the time you got here? That's only like an hour, two hour difference for some. Get a grip, mothafuckaa.

If an esophagus could be sprained, that would be mine right about now. Last night's game was greatttt. Getting steals and rebounds is not easy. Once you have the ball, it's the opposing team's cue to attack. I'm pretty sure I got jabbed in the throat last night, seeing how it's hard to swallow (grow up), my voice is almost gone, and I sounded like a pig gasping for breath after it happened. It was worth it though, we still whooped some ass, 60-33. Muah.

Fuck college. I'm not going.

November 28, 2008

2 Year Mark, & counting...

Mariah Ashlee DeCosta, I Love You.

Hands Down.

Maybe I Should Start Blogging Again..

Fighting for ya spot? Y'all please, I'm Solidified
With my hands tied, you couldn't beat me if you bitches Tried
Either you high, or sipping that shit Wayne on
I get Top Dollar for whatever my name on
Go stick your head in a tornado, Brainstorm
I drop bombs, Flex, Napalm

The Things I Hear..

"You don't tell them they suck, because then they'll try to hard and be worse; you tell them they're good so that still, they improve but with confidence, making them better."

She's Here.

And words couldn't describe the Joy that jumps uncontrollably within.
I've been positive-emotionless for a number of months now, but I think that maybe..
Just maybe, a few them have come to visit for two weeks.
The quiet anxiety that existed as I approached her for the first time in a very Long time..
I wish I could rewind time and make that hug just a little bit better.
It probably wouldn't have been a hug at all... ;)
The frustration I had to endure because I wanted her as little as a mile away as opposed to a few hundred miles away;
The patience that decreased each and every day, almost turning to carelessness, because I knew when she was coming, but the date wouldn't arrive soon enough;
The conversations that only produced thoughts of wants and wishes at the highest rate I've ever known, and finally,
The wait is over.
She's here <3












M.A.D.

Nothing Has Changed.

I have now been living for 17 years.
All I wanted to do was watch Toy Story 3.
I have to go to summer school for the very first time in my entire life.
Thank you, Providence School Department, for your wonderful teachers.
Special shout-out to our amazing government as well, for not doing a damn thing.
"I know way too many people here right now that I didn't know last year." - Drake
True Story.
Summer is here.
I decided I wanted to do more than just lay on the beach for hours during the day, and drink bottle after bottle at night.
Basketball in between.
So, I became a Lifeguard.
$12 an hour, 4 hours a day, 6 days a week.
May not seem like much, but it puts money in my pocket.
Probably the best thing I can do all year.
Then, there's College.
Where is my life heading?
Let's not talk about it.
I'm not ready.
I think I have a girlfriend..
But my emotions beg to differ, because they no longer exist.

Vacationnn .

It's almost over.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo .

Sunday I went clubbin` at Level II with the ladies.
Monday I was in Brooklyn and Manhatten, New York.
Tuesday I was in Boston, Massachusetts with some friends.
Then celebrated 4/20 8)
Wednesday celebrated Dru's birthday with some homos. :D
Thursday spent the day with TashaNana, "stressed cus I got wet, no pun intended."
Today's Friday, and I don't what I'm doing besides going to wish my grandmother a happy belated birthday and possibly getting drunk with my "girlfriend" later.
I hope there's a party on Saturday ..

School still Sucks.
Drugs and Alcohol still satisfy us all.
Ladies are still Lovely.
AAU is still Awesome.
Friends and Family are still Fantastic.
And God is still Great.
Life's being Lived and I'm Learning from and Loving every moment of it.


And someone said I look like Jurnee Mollett.. I don't see it, but I'm glad this person thinks so :)

Hollaaa .