The Worst Ever (so far.. ).

We've been working our asses off in every single practice...

Learning new plays, mastering the basics of basketball...
Enduring every type of injury and just shaking it off...
Being pressured by the coach, his wife, and the opponents themselves...
We, Las Americas, have been preparing for this...
Last night's game: Las Americas v. Mexico.






But you wanna know something?!



Everything we practiced, everythign we worked hard for, meant NOTHING during that game. It's as if we FORGOT everything we had done at practice last week, Friday, and a few hours before the game. That game was the WORST:





- We were pressured to the Maximum. More Pressure = More Mistakes.


- Mexico had a new member of the team. Yeah, she was nice, but she was also a taunting, shit talking, scary ass bitch who almost caused a fight with two of my team members, caused a technical foul for basically the whole team, and got to shoot like 8 shots for that one time, which I'm pretty sure a technical foul only counts as 1 or 2 shots, but whatever.


- That leads to the fact that our referees SUCKED! The favored Mexico, and everyone could see that whether you were cheering them on or not. One ref in particular did not have a clue what he was doing, calling, saying, I'm not even sure he knew how to officiate! My mom wants to get a new ref for our next game. I'm hoping she does.


- Then, I'm dribbling on a fast break and some old Mexican lady is like hitting me and smacking me as I'm driving to the hoop and the refs didn't call SHIT! So I threw the ball and told her to watch what she's doing. And she tried to intimidate me with her stare down and demanding I calmed down. And I was like "Or what? You gonna hit me?! Hit me bitch!" That got me a second tech. and ejection from the game. SMHH..


- Game was over and the new chick was running her mouth outside and basically the whole team was about to brawl with some Mexicans.





WORST FUCKING GAME EVER. I hope I never have to go through that again because if I do, I'm not letting anything slide. I'm gonna make my tech. worthwhile and well-earned and just hit the bitch next time. GRRRRR HARDBODY! lol..





*On a good note, my father came down to watch my game. He gave me money too. Now I can get Trevor! =] =] =] =] =]


He says he's coming down next week to catch my next game, too. Next time, he's bringing my uncle and cousins.. oh mann. I'm starting to have hope in him again, not too much, but it's there. He's showing a lot of improvement and effort that he wans to be there.. that he wants to be my father. I just hope he keeps this up and doesn't let me down again for the 29658243th time.





And today is the day we celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ also known as Easter. I wish I could have gone to church. And I wish I didn't eat meat on Good Friday (my baby cousin was born, also). After I ate KFC I felt sick to my stomach, not because the food was bad or I ate it too fast, but because I felt horrible because I enjoyed chicken on Good Friday.. Although I don't practice my religion as much as I should, I still do try to make an effort to do so.. sigh..





The Celtics v. Cavaliers game today was a reflection of Las Americas v. Mexico's game. Only there wasn't as many techs. and the refs actually did their jobs. The blowout was awful though. "Their worst loss of the season." I feel their painnnn.





I've witnessed some new followers/bloggers/friends on blogspot. I do encourage blogging, but for some reason, I don;t like this minor revolution.. in fear of re-reading the misuse of a blog.. =/

Happy Easter.. again. :]

Why?

I don't even know how to start this post off.. Here I Go.

I'm not actually angry at the moment, but I'm just an angry person in General. My attitude is Vile and always uncontrollably active; my temper is Malicious and can be triggered as easily as a nerve; my actions are Horrid, Afflictive, and Destructive. Point Blank. Of course, this developed and became a lot worse throughout my so far 16 years of life. But why? Is it because I lack the ability and self-control and discipline to actually stop it? Probably. Is it because of anything and everything, experience, I've been through in my past? Possibly. Or is it because there's so much in this lifetime that I wish to experience, change, or do, but I can't? Or maybe it's because I am Fearful; of anything and everything I have yet to overcome because I know the future will crash my hopes of fulfilling all of my wants, goals, and dreams in life.

I know I have these unexplainable, weird, & minor phobias or whatever you want to call them such as feet; do not take your socks off around me, do not touch me with your feet, socks on or off, and if your socks are off, don't let me see your feet; don't walk in my room while I'm sleeping, because I know you're there and I wake up, and can't go back to sleep; and I can't have papers touch eachother side by side.. etc. Stuff like that. Although I haven't been diagnosed with any of those, they exist. I have these, too:
- Somniphobia, the fear of sleeping. I've tried to come up with many excuses as to why I can't sleep. It's mostly because I can't sleep alone.. But also because I'm afraid of what I'll wake up to.. or if I'll even wake up.
- Autophobia, the fear of being alone. Whether I'm walking, at home, and especially while I'm sleeping, I struggle to do most things by myself. I need the presence of a breathing human-being close by. I'm SO serious.
- Philosophobia, the fear of falling in love. Because I'm afraid of the pain and suffrage I'd have to endure in the long run; consequences. Which also falls under my fear of being left alone, and the fact that I can never stop swimming in the ocean once I've dived in too deep.. There should be a fear of losing someone or something..
- Gamophobia, the fear of marriage. This goes hand in hand with the love one due to the simple fact that I couldn't be with the same person for the rest of my life; reason I left my ex-boyfriend, he was too perfect. I can't be alone, but I can't be with someone for too long.. What is wrong with me?
- Lockiophobia, the fear of childbirth. It's not that I don't want children, it's just the process of it. The sex, the human growing inside your body, the ejection of the baby through areas that are not supposed to open that wide, the years of responsibility, the worry, the growing up and teaching.. etc. I don't think I could handle it. It's mostly the fear of sex.
- Thantophobia, the fear of death or dying. A major phobia of mine. I have so many unanswerable questions for death. Why? Where do I go? Is there an afterlife? Who will I see? Will I be alone? Why live to die? I don't understand! neither do I want to die.. It's a sad feeling. I don't want to leave anyone behind in fear I won't see them again. Heaven or Hell? WHY?!
- Zeusophobia, the fear of a God or gods. I'm scared there is a God. I'm afraid there isn't one. I'm frightened at the f act that I don't know nor does anyone else, we just have books that teach us Faith or Evolution for which if we choose one, there's either "good or bad consequences".. I'm scared that if there is a God, I will be severely punished..

All those lead back to my main point; Biophobia, the fear of life. Because there's so much I wish to do, so much there is to do, so many people to meet, and places to see. And I can't. My life is threatened. Our lives are threatened. We're destined to die in 2012. And I'm fucking SCARED. This has been on my mind a lot lately. I don't completely understand or know why, but the Bible says it and it's been scientifically proven. I have 3 more years to live. And you know what I'm giong to be doing? School. Trying to build the future I will never get to enjoy, because of these theories. Everything I have ever hoped and dreamed for, down the drain. Everything I'm working for now mine as well be thrown up on and flushed down the toilet. I can't do anything about it because I am under 18 and attending high school.I want to change the world.. Save the world. And I can't I'm dying to live, and living to die. And I am Furious. Because no one can answer this simple question: Why ?



Btw, I am Catholic and do believe in God. I just wish I could be more religious, attend Church, be Baptized, and learn more about my Religion. I want to be able to celebrate holidays like Easter by going to church and not just having dinner. But it's hard for some reason in this family, and I can't do it alone..

more on this subject another time.. Happy Easter.

A Miracle & A Song.

Did you forget that I was even alive?

Today I wore a dress with leggings.. That type of thing.

Did you forget everything we ever had?

Also, I was expecting "something" that would be "delivered by someone I wouldn't be able to figure out."

Did you forget, did you forget about me?

Instead, it was her, my Booboo.
Did you regret ever standing by my side?
Her arrival was Unexpected. Unknown. At the time, Unreal.

Did you forget we were feeling inside?

But my heart was ecstatic as I hugged her.

Now I'm left to forget about us.

Water came down my eyes from the joy of it.
But somewhere we went wrong.
And then she had to go.

We were once so strong.

Best 30 seconds of my dayyyyyyy!

Our love is like a song, you can't forget it.

Second Best Part:
VACATIONNNNNNNN HASSS OFFICIALLYY BEGUNNN ! :]
So now I guess, this is where we have to stand.
And Third: It was beautiful out side today. Which made the start of vacation more wonderful than it already was.

Did you regret ever holding my hand?

KP for hours, waiting to see someone who was supposedly there the sametime I was. Smhh.

Never again, please don't forget, don't forget.

My ex ended up buying me donuts and chips. Then I met Yeriel in PERSON! And we had this interesting convo on how we thought we were never going to meet.. lol
We had it all, we were just about to fall,
Kendel is mad at me because I didn't take the bus with him.
Sowwieeeee. =(

Even more in loveee, then we were before.

My jailbird Christian came by to visit me. Awkward.

I won't forget, I won't forget about us.

Practice sucked for me today. I don't even wanna talk about it.
But somewhere we went wrong.
Now, I find myself reminisicing my past.. "relationships".

We were once so strong.

Demi Lovato, Maria Mena, & Avril Lavigne can do that to you.

Our love is like a song, you can't forget it at all.

Speaking of.. Jenifer v. Shanelle in the FML HARDER contest...
And at last, all the pictures have been burned.
The stories were actually true.

And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned.

Fuck Our Fucking Lives Yoo.. No one will EVER understand.

I won't forget, please don't forget about us.

My father came by the other day. I'll speak on him another night.

Somewhere we went wrong.

Now, I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep and listen to more depressing music & Drake.

Our love is like a song, but you won't sing along.

I know someone who has his AIM! Jealousssssssssss.

You've forgotten about us.

Blater.

Don't Forget..

- Demi Lovato

Mike Isn't the Only MVP.

SO, my life has been pretty occupied, hectic, and busy with the usual. School, Basketball, Track, Young Voice.. etc etc. I've also been a little more social at times, while other times I've been too focused to even care about anyone else.

What I mean by that is that school has become like my number one priority lately. I've been working my butt off in class, taking every note, completing every homework assignment, and actually asking for help. Focused and Determined. My friends haven't noticed that (I don't think), but they have noticed that we haven't talked as much.
Sorry, ladies and bros. We'll catch up soon enough.

AS for basketball, I'm getting better and better as the days go by, my coaches, my team, my family; they see potential in me. And they wanna show me, help me, and teach me anything I need to know to get me to shine. I'm thankful.

And for that, I need to get rid of this bad ass, bitchy, "I-Don't-A-Fuck" attitude that has developed throughout the years. It got me 3 hours of detention, which turned into 6 becus I didnt serve the first 3 (and I'm still not going to). it got me punched in the eye by my parental unit. Basically, it turns me into this monster that I have no control over. Idk, its like the brutally honest side of me gone to far. It has to go.

I recently handed out 180 cigarette smoking surveys for Young Voices to 180 completely different, non-repeated people. Most from school, others were random people from KP, or the bus. That's part of my "social" improvement. Also, I've made two new friends: Shawn, who caught my eye a while ago, and Bobby tried to smash on me in ball last Saturday. =]

The mood of my music is changing.. I've been listening to like.. Maria Mena, Paramore, Demi Lovato, Avril Lavigne, etc. I'm not depressed or anything. I've just been thinking a lot, and kinda reminiscing, and these people have made songs that I can relate to.. so I listen to them.

People are still pathetic, and masterminds of taking small things and turning them into GIGANTIC ISSUES. It's crazy.

I also ended up putting myself on blast.. revealing a secret about myself to a person I kinda wanted to tell, but didn't want to know at the same time.. I mean.. it didn't affect anything but still. Blah.

Now that we're up to date, I was chosen to play in an All-Star game last night. Now as if being chosen wasn't already an honor, I played my freakin` ass off for a fun event. I got my knees all busted up by midgets. But it all paid off, 13 points I think and the MVP title for my All Star team.

I need to run more... I'm getting out of shape while I'm still playing a sport. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I'm pretty fucking upset right about now.

I WANT MY FUCKING PHONE!
I'VE WAITED FAR TOO LONG,
MY VISION IS GETTING WORSE,
AND THE CLOSER AND CLOSER THE OPPURTUNITY COMES,
SOMETHING HAPPENS,
AND I HAVE TO WAIT LONGER.
Fuck that, yo.
I'm getting my shit by like Monday.
Even if I have to do it MYSELF.
*No disrespect to the one who has been tryna help me, but my impatience is killing me and I need this NOW.

For your entertainment, here's some visuals:

Blater.

Oh, and by the way. It's BEAUTIFUL outside.

And I'm probably gonna be stuck in the house all day.

FML.