Temporary Highhh .

You love me like words can't explain
For me to feel the same is all you wanna gain
You never claim that the dollars made me change
But the models givin' brain
Guess that could f*ck with your brain

Hurt your heart in the worst way
Never should have let you fall in the first place
But you've fallen, put your all in
Now you're so high off love you don't wanna get down

Most nights she aint sleep
Worried where I might or I might not be
Shesh! for the life for me
Man what a life I lead

(Chorus)
You kept me on this pedestal
No matter how much I let you down
(down x3) I let you down (down x3)
With all my Infidelity
You loved me so Incredibly
Inside I'll fall apart
If you ever love someone instead of me
(instead of me )
So you deserve a better man
(instead of me, instead of me)


Clock won't stop (tick, tock)
Her love is going, going, going
- by the minute
Going, going, going
- she keep giving

But I know she can't take it
Still her heart I keep breaking
So Ima let her love go
Cause I don't deserve her love no more

Sad story
She mad for me
And mad at me
Sad that we
Can't exude love
Not a true love
Cause it's all screwed up

(Chorus)
You kept me on this pedestal
No matter how much I let you down
(down x3) I let you down (down x3)
With all my Infidelity
You loved me so Incredibly
Inside I'll fall apart
If you ever love someone instead of me

(Rap)
How do you fix a love undone?
How you even know if you're fit to love someone?
And when you decide to take that ride
Can you drive from the passengers side?
One wheel in the middle
Four hands on it
Two sets of breaks
You decide to slam on it
God damn woman
Where the love go
Whip crash will you get whiplash
Sit back cause you won't get shit back
But think if you tried to get what you just had back
She mad at facts,
And you can't be mad at that.






I feel like I'm the girl he's talking about, except with all the love parts. It's more of a "like" or "crush" thing..
I expected too much ..
Did too much ..
Now there's not much to discuss ......

But I wrote a little something :

I think it's funny cus i know exactly what you're doin,
But this type of thing right here? I don't wanna ruin.
So go on and do ya thing, I'ma chill and play it cool,
Cus in the end we'll both see that I'm not the Fool. ;)

Go on, boy, I'll be fineee oh fineee . haha 8-)

Saturday Night.

7:00pm -
Get ready with friend to go out for the night.
North Providence get-together with other friends.
Music, campfire, blankets, lots of food, smores, and alcoholic beverages.

Fast Forward - - - - - - - - - - - -

10:00pm -
Lakeside party with friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, complete strangers, even enemies.
Shit, i forgot my phone..
It's hot, BEAMING.
Buzzed. Music Blasting. Two crowded rooms.
Yell for no reason, say what you want, do what you want.
Dance. Dance. Dance. Dance. Dance.
uh-ooh.
"Feds."
Cue to gooo .

Fast Forward - - - - - - - - - - - - -

12:00am -
Chillin, waitin for the Boys to disperse.
Imaginary dunks.
Shit talking.
Beef.
Phone calls are made, cars show up, more words are said, but not heard.
Yelling. Phone thrown at car window. Screech of a car, one speeds off, one halts to a stop, backs up and moves forward again.
Two people are hit .
One gets up and limps to the corner and throws a piece of cement at a car.
The other limps to a backyard.
Cars disappear.
Ambulance. Police. Firetrucks. Questions.

Fast Forward - - - - - - - - - - - - -

1:00am-
Still tryna party.
Hop in another whip and gooo .
College party, say whaaattt ?
Too many damn people, Sticky ass floors, and no room to do anything.
Manageable.
Still tipsy.
Invite some more. Drink some more. Dance some more.
HOTTTTTTTTTTT !
Dance. Dance. Dance.
Chill, no more Merengue.
Reggaeton comes on, time to go cus the boys are on their way.

Fast Forward - - - - - - - - - - - - -

3:00am -
Yelling. Arguing. Blackberry stolen. Dispersion.
Everyone gets dropped off.
Eat, drink, get ready for bed.
Lay down, and Reflect.
Easy to read, hard to listen, more difficult to understand.
Text. Text. Text.

Fast Forward - - - - - - - - - - - - -

4:00am -
SLeep.



"That party last night was awfully crazy, i wish we taped it."

On the Flipside..

L Word keeps me entertained. Sane. Occupied. Satisfied. Care-free about reality.
And Season 5 just keeps getting better.
I just finished episode 9 i think and it's like.. the most romantic episode ever.
Everyone is finding themselves in their relationships and realizing what they really want and gettin accustomed to that: they're all in love and knowwho they wanna be with.

Bette&Tina <3
Alice&Tasha <3
Jenny&Nikki :) I'm not too sure about this one.
Max&Jodi'sInterpreter :? I'm confused about this one.
Molly&Shane :D Interesting, but I doubt will last.


Oh, i forgot to mention that they are making passionate Love to one another, some for the first time, and others for what still feels like the first time; all gettin` their box licked xD haha..

Funny that i mentioned that, the most unexpected person wishes to complete this task on me..

Outcast.

Yo, the last few days, maybe even weeks, have been cruel to me.
I've learned a lot of things that I wasn't too certain about, but reality struck me;
Like how I'm secretly a burden to my family;
I really can't call ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE, I associate myself with a "friend;"
I talk way too much, and no one even listens;
People only care when the tears fall down, but they never dare ask about the pain you hide when you're smiling.
(Wow, I really like that line.)
I swear, if I just up and left out of this house, this city, this state, or even this country, and went some place where none of the people I knew had the slightest clue, here's what would happen:
Everyone would panic and blow up my phone like no tomorrow, asking where I was, demanding that I return home, telling me they loved me and don't understand why I did this, yadda yadda yadda . And when all is said and done, I don't return, then everyone just goes on with life. Like I wasn't even there to begin with.
I AM SO ALONE IN THIS WORLD, I can feel it: No one truly gives a shit about me.
Many know my family, many know who I spend most my time with, some know my best interests, and others know most of the events that have happened in my life, but honestly, NO ONE KNOWS ME.
It's driving me insane about how clueless everyone is about me, and making me question the relationships I've developed with these people..
Honestly, I'm forced to believe that I'm just here to be here, no one really "likes" me, no one cares, no one really wants to know me, I'm just here.
I feel like I'm this social outcast with no purpose in life but to live it.
WHY WAS I PUT ON THIS EARTH ?


Oh, and I love this: when people complain that you're always busy and they want to see you, or they really care about you and like you or whatever the case may be, but when you're stuck in the house all day on a Saturday, not one person hits you up, sees what you're doing, how you're doing, if you wanna go out for a little bit, chill, have a good time or something. Shit, you even try to invite yourself but no one wants to give you an address. So much for that, right?

Yeah, HBD Tre. Sorry I couldn't be there! (sarcasm) -__-



"Nobody likes me, and that's okay, cause I don't like ya'll anyway. I don't like ya'll anyway, FUCK ALL YA'LL !!" --50 Cent

101th Post .

And i feel like shit.
It's been raining for like two weeks.
I haven't been getting enough sleep, but that's nothing new.
I've been dreading school more than usual and going for the wrong reasons.
Some of my grades are getting better,I must admit.
My mother basically hates me now and isn't talking to me because i didn't want to befriend her on Facebook on Monday. Tuesday she wouldn't take me to school because suddenly "i'm not her responsibility" and she finally said 8 words to me last night. Tonight is college night, and i'll be the only there without a parent.
I am in serious debt. I get no income. I am beyond broke. And i'm in serious need. I can hear money calling my name but i don't know where to look and find it.
My like-life is bizarre. Uncontrollable. Ridiculous.
My friends are here and there.. But just barely.
No one in my family talks to eachother, although we live in the same house, because we're that broken and can't get along.
I've been tryna talk to people about all this, but i feel like no one is really listening.
No one is truly understanding that i am not far from pulling my hair out, crying until there's no more tears to cry, screaming at the top of my lungs for the WORLD to hear, and just shutting myself down and out, away from everyone.
Depressed, and no relative, friend, counselor, or medication can help me cope.
I feel like dying .. but i have too much pride for that so when i get home i guess i'll just lay in the dark and cry myself to sleep or something .



I realize now, that I'm in this world alone.

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