Temporary Depression.

Emotionally unstable.
Inexplainable actions.
Uncontrollable thoughts.
Words that are meaningless to everyone else,
But mean so much to me.
Everyone hears me,
But no one really listens.
My appearance is seen,
But the image is unclear.
Feelings trapped inside couldn't scream any louder;
Eyes that blink in complete silence.
No being can provide consolidation.
No God or doctor can eliminate the pain.
Who's accountable?
None other than myself,
For allowing anything and everything to affect me the way they do..
What I need isn't necessarily what I want, and vice versa.
What I want I am more than likely better off without.
Self-Contradiction; I can't help myself.
For once in my life, attention is needed, and I receive none at all.
Misunderstood; no one can comprehend.
Fear. Stress. Confusion.
Lost.

New Yorkkkkkkkkkkkk

My last trip to New York was probably thee Best experience in the BX I've ever had.
No school on Friday, so I got to sleep a little longer with Heiry.
Blah Blah Blah, we finally got there at like 7ish but we didn't actually stop and unpack the car until about 9. I was stokeddddd. Heiry and I had to actually step out the car and take our first breath of New York air together for the first time in a long time, and polluted air never smelled better.
Saturday was a really busy day.. it wasraining/snowing all day and Shakira, Heiry, and I had to walk to a few stores for Dora and Diego balloons and party favors. We decorated the house, filled the pinata and stashed candy .. but that candy was aten by some little kids and I was highlyyy upsettt.
Whatever. Blanca and Xiomara continued to tease me about seeing Zack.. =P
Dee de Dee the party started at like 9pm, mind you, this is the party of a 3 year old.. Dominican. lol
Madddd Headss came before the one I awaited.
... His mom came, his little sister and brother, but not him.
And then like 5 minutes later he walked in with Ariel.
Talk about Butterflies?
Flutter, Flutter all in my stomache.
But yeah.. Teeneagers +Food + Crowded little room + Singing and Dancing + Alcohol + Next Door neighbors house = After Party. Wepaa..
I cant really recall all that happened other than nonstop dancing and music blasting and the spilling of Coronas, BUT i did go to sleep happily next to my Lovee.
And woke up to him tooo. The whole family couldnt get over the fact that we liked eachother even though its been a year now.. Theres more to this but I'll tell you later.

Oogum Boogum Bye.

It's December Now.

My Christmas (Wish) List:

- Black Dell Laptop with at least 4 or 8 GB of memory, 16ish " by like 6-7ish" screen.. Possibly that limited edition graffiti skinned one or one with a New Moon skin! Yeah.. Loser, I know.

- New Phone, preferably of the T-Mobile Co., even though it's not as appealing as it was in the past, I miss my Sidekick. And I'm tired of using other people's phones! I want my own number, to text my own friends, from my own phone again..

- A Bedroom Set that I was supposed to get almost two years ago for a birthday present or Christmas, I can't recall, but I'm supposed to have it already. I don't, but I need in on that big bed ASAP..

- iPod, doesn't matter which, as long as it has 4GB or more because I stay having to sacrifice songs on my jacked up 2GB just to put a different song on that I wanna liten to.. It's ridiculous. Funny thing is, my mom found one and claims she wants an iPod and intends on using it but I haven't seen that iPod put to use YET. She should just give it to me.. and stick with her MP4..

- A Name Ring would be nice too, Sterling Silver, because I'm not really a Gold fan.. unless it's White Gold, and it would match my earrings.


Damn, I almost feel bad that I want so little that costs so much on His Born Day. But hey..
If we're celebrating, we all mine as well get some gifts right?
But on a more serious note, I wish I could give more presents than I actually wish to receive. I'm always asking for, and wanting a number of things, but I can almost never give back.
JOB? I need in on one of those bad boys.

But anyways, it's only a Wish List.. Everyone knows those don't come true.



P.S. I'm over that shy kid I think I told you guys about a few posts ago. I've come across a new mysterious man that I actually know and don't have to dig too deep to figure him out. Well, yes I do, and I learned this last night. It's still a challenge but not as much.

I also want to thank Yeriel for that little blog post of me... Even though he should've told me he was writing it! I like surprises though.. I'm glad someone learned to appreciate me for ME for once..

Last thing. I'm friggin` ecstatic about this weekend. If everything works out this week, I will be in the BX on Friday (finally !!). So many people to seeeeeeee.. ^_^. . . And mi nina, Feidy, is turning THREE ! Wooooop!

I really should be doing my research work since I'm in the library, but... Eff It. Adios.